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May 10, 2005

Election Resurrection

New development in Chicago Mayor’s dead voter scandal

satire

 

 

 

According to a local TV station, exposed and open coffins were discovered in a Chicago cemetery by a local resident whose mother is buried in one of the plots.

 

 

"I run up on stuff like these here -- coffins pushed up to the side, all open, foul odors coming out," said Sidney Clark. "I'm seeing coffins open, I'm seeing a lot of dirt that has been moved -- the coffins are not even 3 feet in the ground."

 

Staff from WMAQ-TV in Chicago saw at least three wooden coffins sticking out of the dirt at Homewood Memorial Gardens, with the plastic-shrouded bodies visible inside. They reported that concrete burial vaults were clearly exposed as well.

 

On the ground on a hilltop, there were dozens of grave markers askew and stacked in rows. Clark said for three years, he's been trying to find his mother's grave, to no avail.

 

 

Clark is worried his mother may have voted Democrat in the 2004 elections. “I think she would just die if she knew she might have voted for John Kerry”.

 

The report continues:

 

 

A representative of the cemetery tried to show Clark the approximate spot where his mother is buried, Rogers reported, but the grave was not marked.

 

As for the exposed coffins, maintenance man Rudy Casillas said he's in the process of layering the area where Cook County morgue bodies are buried in pauper's graves. He said after that, the grave markers will be restored to the ground above. Casillas also maintained that the coffins have only been exposed during that process.

 

"See, this is just erosion," Casillas said. "We have coyotes that come and just dig -- animals and stuff like that."

 

 

Coyotes – a term commonly used for agents who receive payment for shuttling illegal aliens across US borders. One Illinois Republican spokesperson upon hearing of this stated, "We know that coyotes dig Democrats – maybe they dug these graves." No calls to the cemetery or the Illinois DNC have been immediately returned. City officials seem to confirm though that at least on some level, certain key players lost composure. The GOP spokesperson also added that such new evidence "stands only as a somber marker pointing to the erosion in voter confidence."

 

The local station which first reported the pitiful conditions at this Chicago graveyard also reports the Clark family “has retained a lawyer and wants her mother's body exhumed to determine exactly where it is”  and to inspect the party affiliation stamp on her voter registration card. A representative of the cemetery denied any accusations of foul play in connection with exhuming bodies to scare up votes and expressed his displeasure at the recrimination: “I don’t dig that.”

 

Chicago-area dead people were also said to have voted en masse in the 1960 presidential election. This, the first blue-fingered vote was said to have been the final nail in the coffin for Republican rival Richard Nixon at the time.

 

Blogbat will of course follow this story closely and will post updates as further grave developments deem warranted.

 

Posted by Martin at May 10, 2005 03:03 PM

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